Your Part Is Your Power
A central idea in Finlayson-Fife's approach is that the most powerful place to work in a marriage is your own part in the pattern. It's tempting to focus on what your spouse should change, but that's the part you have least control over. When you get honest about your own reactions, avoidance, or fears, you have something you can actually act on. Feedback you don't like, even when it stings, can be used as information to grow rather than something to defend against. Changing your side of a pattern often changes the whole pattern. A useful exercise is to pick one recurring tension and ask, 'What's one thing I do that keeps this going?' Then change just that piece for a week, without announcing it, and watch how the pattern responds. Your part is the one you control.
Ask yourself: what's one way I contribute to the thing that frustrates me most? Write it in My Part.
Source: Finlayson-Fife, About
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. Not a substitute for counseling.
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