Old Wounds Show Up in Marriage
Imago theory suggests we're often drawn to partners who in some ways remind us of the people who raised us, both the good and the hard parts. That's why a spouse can touch old childhood hurts so precisely. Hendrix and Hunt see this as an opportunity. When you understand that some of your strongest reactions are older than your marriage, you can respond with more compassion, for yourself and for your partner, and help each other grow. When a reaction feels bigger than the moment, try asking, 'When have I felt this way before?' Sharing the answer gently, such as 'this reminds me of feeling ignored as a kid,' can help your partner understand you instead of feeling blamed for something they didn't cause.
Ask yourself: does this reaction feel familiar from long before my marriage? Share that if it feels safe.
Source: Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, What is Imago?
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt. Not a substitute for counseling.
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