The Imago Dialogue: Mirror, Validate, Empathize
Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt developed Imago Relationship Therapy. Its best-known tool is a structured conversation with three steps. Mirroring: repeat back what your partner said, then ask, 'Did I get that? Is there more?' Validating: tell them how what they said makes sense from where they stand, even if you see it differently. Empathizing: guess how they might feel. The structure slows things down so each person truly feels heard before anyone responds. It can feel awkward at first, but that's part of why it works. Try it with a low-stakes topic first, like how each of you felt about the weekend, not your biggest fight. Agree that one person talks and one mirrors, then switch. Keeping turns short, a few sentences each, makes the exercise feel much easier.
Try just the mirroring step today: 'What I heard you say is ___. Did I get that? Is there more?'
Source: Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, What is Imago?
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt. Not a substitute for counseling.
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