Talk About Your Softer Feelings

EFT teaches that we often show our partner our hard, protective feelings like anger, sarcasm, or coldness, while hiding the softer ones underneath: hurt, fear, loneliness, feeling not good enough. Our partner reacts to the hard surface, and the cycle continues. When someone risks sharing the softer feeling, such as 'I get scared you don't need me anymore,' it often draws the other person in instead of pushing them away. This takes courage, and it works best once things are calm enough to feel somewhat safe. A simple way to start is to finish the sentence 'Underneath my frustration, I think I'm feeling…' and name one word, like lonely, invisible, or worried. You don't need a speech. One honest sentence, said slowly, is often enough to change the tone of the whole talk.

Source: ICEEFT, What is EFT?

Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Sue Johnson. Not a substitute for counseling.

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