A.R.E. You There for Me?
Sue Johnson boils a secure bond down to three questions, using the letters A, R, and E. Accessible: can I reach you? Responsive: will you respond to me emotionally? Engaged: will you stay close and value me? These aren't big romantic gestures. They show up in small moments, like putting down your phone when your partner talks, answering a sad text with care, or staying in the room during a hard talk. When partners feel these three things, they relax, argue less fiercely, and repair more easily. You can check your own A.R.E. tonight. Did you turn toward your partner when they spoke, or keep scrolling? Did you answer their mood, or only the logistics? Picking just one of the three and doing it on purpose for a few days is a small, concrete place to begin.
Pick one of A, R, or E to practice today. For example, put your phone face down when your partner starts talking.
Source: Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight (2008)
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by Sue Johnson. Not a substitute for counseling.
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