The Four Habits That Predict Trouble
After watching thousands of couples argue in their lab, the Gottmans noticed four habits that showed up again and again in marriages that later broke down. They nicknamed them the Four Horsemen. Criticism means attacking who your partner is instead of the thing they did. Contempt means mocking, eye-rolling, or acting superior. Defensiveness means answering a complaint with excuses or a counterattack. Stonewalling means shutting down and going silent. Almost every couple slips into these sometimes, so seeing them in your home is not a sign you're doomed. The goal is to notice them faster and swap in something better. Each horseman has an antidote, and the next few lessons cover them one at a time. Start by naming which one is your go-to when you feel hurt.
Quietly pick which horseman you reach for most. Don't point out your partner's. Just watch for yours today.
Source: Gottman Institute, The Four Horsemen
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
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