Accepting Influence
In the Gottmans' research, marriages did better when both partners, and especially husbands, were willing to let their spouse's opinions and feelings shape decisions. They call this accepting influence. It doesn't mean giving in on everything. It means truly considering your partner's view, finding the part that makes sense, and being willing to change course. When one person always has to win, the other eventually stops sharing. Saying 'That's a good point, let's do it your way' or 'What part of this matters most to you?' builds a sense of being a team. Next time you disagree about something small, like where to eat or how to load the dishwasher, look for one part of your partner's view you can genuinely agree with. Saying 'you have a point there' costs little and builds a lot of trust.
In one decision today, big or small, ask what matters to your partner and let it change your plan.
Source: John Gottman & Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
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