Repair Attempts: The Secret Weapon
Every couple fights. What separated happier couples in the Gottmans' studies wasn't fewer fights but better repair. A repair attempt is anything that stops a conversation from spiraling: a joke, a touch, 'I'm sorry, let me try that again,' 'Can we start over?', or even 'I need a minute.' Repairs don't have to be graceful. They can be clumsy and awkward. What matters most is that the other person accepts them instead of brushing them off. When there's enough goodwill in a relationship, repairs land more easily, which is one reason the small daily kindnesses in this app matter so much. Repairs can be small and a little clumsy: 'Can we start over?', 'I'm getting defensive, give me a second,' a touch on the arm, or even a joke. When your partner offers one, try to take it, even if you're still upset.
Pick one repair phrase you'll both use, and when your partner tries one, take it even if it's clumsy.
Source: Gottman Institute, R is for Repair
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
Open in the Love Again Daily app Save to PinterestLove Again Daily: small daily nudges for couples. Closer, one day at a time. If you're not safe at home, call or text 1-800-799-7233.