Fondness and Admiration
The Gottmans describe fondness and admiration as one of the strongest protections a marriage has. It's the basic sense that your partner is worthy of respect and that you like them. When it's alive, small annoyances don't turn into big stories about who they are. When it fades, it's often still there under the surface. One way to bring it back is to remember: how you met, what drew you to them, a hard time you got through together. Thinking about those moments can wake up warm feelings that day-to-day stress has buried. A simple way to start is to tell your partner one quality you've admired in them lately, with a recent example. Another is to share a favorite memory, like 'I was thinking about our first apartment,' and see what they remember too.
Tell your partner one specific thing you admired about them when you first met, and one you admire now.
Source: John Gottman & Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
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