Love Maps: Knowing Their World
A love map is the part of your mind that holds what you know about your partner's life: their worries, current stresses, friends, hopes, favorite things, and what their day actually looks like. The Gottmans see detailed love maps as the foundation of a strong friendship in marriage. Couples who know each other well cope better with big changes, like a new baby or a job loss, because they keep track of each other through it. Love maps get out of date. The person you married ten years ago has new dreams and new worries now. Updating your map is as simple as asking curious, open questions and really listening. Good starter questions: 'What's stressing you most right now?', 'What are you looking forward to this month?', 'Who at work is getting on your nerves?' Ask one at dinner or in the car, and follow up on it a few days later.
Ask one open question tonight, like 'What's stressing you most this week?' or 'What's something you're looking forward to?'
Source: Gottman Institute, Build Love Maps
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
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