Bids: The Little Moments That Add Up
A bid is any small attempt to connect: 'Look at that bird,' a sigh, a question about your day, a hand on your shoulder. The Gottmans found you can respond in three ways. You can turn toward it (notice and respond), turn away (ignore it, often by accident), or turn against it (snap back). In their research, couples who stayed together turned toward each other's bids far more often than couples who split. These moments are tiny, but they build trust over time. Most of us miss bids simply because we're busy or looking at a phone, not because we don't care. Over the next day, notice your partner's small bids: a sigh, a 'look at this,' a comment about their day. Try to respond with at least a word or a glance. Turning toward even a few more of them is a meaningful change.
Today, try to catch three bids from your partner and respond to each one, even with a few words.
Source: Gottman Institute, Turn Toward Instead of Away
Paraphrased in our own words. Not affiliated with or endorsed by John & Julie Gottman. Not a substitute for counseling.
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